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July 19, 2013
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Changes by rawdi-kun Changes by rawdi-kun
When I was like 8 I thought I was gonna be this awesome hot cool teenager when I would turn 13. When I was 13 I never changed and I thought I would be this awesome emo scene king that was like fucking ruler of anime by the age of 17. I'm almost 17 and my emo otaku days lasted like a year. Now I'm some awkward depressed pastel haired hipster introvert who can't bother to give a shit about most anime who sits on the couch watching murder mystery shows like Bones and Criminal Minds. I keep thinking I'll continue to be this short scruffy guy with dyed hair and lots of fun friends and a giant bearded boyfriend who treats me like a queen. I might hit a growth spurt when I hit 18 or maybe even tomorrow. I might get too lazy to keep cutting and dying my hair. I might get terrible vision just like the rest of my family and start wearing glasses. Hell, I might pig out and overeat like how my brother did and become morbidly obese. I might get cancer, I might lose it one day for some reason and kill myself. The point of this little thing here is to show that not everything goes the way you plan. I'm not saying give up on any of your plans, I'm just saying that there is no point in planning out your life because life doesn't give a shit about your plans. The best thing to do is turn the best out of anything that life throws at you.
When I was 7 my entire school hated me and I found out that my only friend was moving to Orlando and I would be alone. My mom moved me to a new school where I hardly made any friends. Three of the only friends I had ended up actually hating me and were my friends because they felt sorry for me. I made tons of friends later who were gay or gay supporters who love me and care about me. My dad was an abusive alcoholic for 5 years of my life and I'm now straight edged and out of all the problems that go on with the youth in my country. I'm the only one on this island who has pink hair and I get weird looks and people going out of their way to make fun of me and then back out like a bunch of pussy ass niggas. What I'm trying to say is that just like plans don't last for long because of life, problems don't last long either. They only seem to last long because we're waiting for it to be over and we don't know when it will be. For two and a half years I obsessed over one of my best friends because I had a crush on him. Those two years felt like the longest fucking time ever, and I never thought I'd ever get over him.
I look back at myself now and think wow that was really fucking short and I'm graduating next year. He graduated and I got over him before he had to leave my life. Last summer, I made a drawing showing me in my school uniform running in a pile of school equipment and crying. I was afraid of my junior year because I knew I would lose friends and nothing would be the same. I lost a few friends because of stupid immature drama. It didn't last long though because I had to be the mature one and settle shit. I said how I felt and dealt with the problems myself and left things alone when I had to. I finally had to balls to come out during high school and I let everyone know not to fuck with me after I held a few chairs over a couple assholes' heads in the middle of classes time to time. A developed a lack of tolerance for bullshit and I'm much more confident when presented with conflict. Problems and things change and it only gets better if you let it. So if you have a problem, stop worrying about it and get rid of it. If you can't fix it, fix yourself and learn from it. My meaning of life is personal growth and development so I see problems as a gift to help you learn in some way and be who you are. Problems are the tools and how you use them will shape who you are.
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:iconraudini:
Raudini Nov 30, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I look up to you so much because youre not afraid to type the long descriptions, youre not afraid to draw your own way, youre not afraid to draw half naked women, youre not afraid to be yourself, and thats really special. I LOVE your drawing style and i only wish i could be that good but im a lazy ass crack who literally sits on the computer all day and listens to music instead of doing something useful like practicing my drawing. (I leave that for in class, and so far i've only perfected my eye and nose styles. Hands, face shapes, feet, shading, detailing, all of this is really hard for me. I'm OKAY with drawing bodies but you know, MEH. Youre awesome, <3 thats it lol.
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:iconjoeywheelerismine:
JoeyWheelerIsMine Jul 21, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Your whole vision on life just..... amazed me. It really did. As of late I have become a recluse, I literally didnt talk to anyone for a month. Turned off my phone and stayed in my room most of the time. Hardly ate anything/ drank anything. you can say I was very unhealthy. And the truth is, I dont even know why I wanted to stay away from people. But I did, and for a while it was nice being alone.
Literally today was the day I turned on my phone and started talking to people o__o it... was very weird.
And I can relate on the whole insecurities. Throughout all of my elementary years I was the quiet, nice, shy girl. I mean I was nice to EVERYONE and I was also the one everyone picked on. I didnt have any friends growing up, all I had were my family ( I can at least say I have an amazing family, the one thing that was good growing up). So with all the bullying, it really dampened my self-confidence a lot. On top of my dad leaving around my 3rd grade year without saying good bye. I was the closet to him and for the longest time I thought it was my fault he had left, for some odd reason lol. But anyways, 7th grade came around and I just got sick of all the bullying. I snapped and hurt someone really bad ^ ^; at the end of 7th grade I had moved to another place and school and I made a promise to myself that I would never be a target for bullying and I kept that promise... but it gave me an image of a mean person. People were scared of me and didnt mess with me like I wanted, but it also made it hard to make friends and trust people in the end. So that reputation of "Not to be fucked with" stuck with me throughout high school. Everyone saw me as an angry, mean girl. But that isn't who I am. I'm a kind, caring, respectful person. But of course no one saw that until they got to know me. Which was hard in its self because I tend to not let people in easily. I ended up graduating with only 1 friend.... well 2 because of my friends sister. They are the ONLY ones that I let in.... sort of.... trust issues are a bitch. But anyways what I'm saying is. I am still the "Mean, angry girl" to people. I will never admit this face to face to someone, but I am a very lonely person in a way, I mean I like to BE by myself because I like being independent. But I feel like I'm alone in the world even with all my family and my friends who I know loves me. Just something's missing and I dont know what. But I do know that when I'm drawing or writing I dont feel as alone. Like I throw all my emotions into my drawings/writings and I feel better for a moment c: and that is all I need sometimes.
You have gone through quite a bit hun. But like you said, problems are just learning experiences/character builders and you sir have quite the character and the talent c;

o - o but yeah...... sorry for the long ass rant D:!! OH and the drawing is amazing as usual Cx
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:iconrawdi-kun:
rawdi-kun Jul 21, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:iconclapplz: I normally get scared of reading long comments from watchers (because I hate reading long things unless it's a short story which it hardly ever is), but I really love this comment. I know exactly how you feel and I've met people just like that. My life is going pretty well for the most part like you. We have friends and family that love us, but we both feel alone. I'm a lone all the time and that's mainly the reason why I'm so depressed. That's great that when you draw and write you can express how you feel! I did that way too much and now I can't focus when I'm drawing and I start getting all confused with my emotions and nothing comes out right. I normally just vent through my drawings and now when I'm trying to do something not so venty, my emotions are bottling up ready to pour out when they get the chance. That chance is normally when I fail to draw something right and I get frustrated and full of negative thoughts that are completely irrelevant. Thank you for that long ass rant though. I really enjoyed reading about your life~
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:iconjoeywheelerismine:
JoeyWheelerIsMine Jul 22, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
D; dear lord it was a long rant. I usually don't type that much.... But I really appreciate that you took the time to read it all and actually replied to me. I wasn't expecting a response, so it kind of excite me Cx

It just feels awesome, that I am not the only one who feels like this and to admit it even. I dont feel quite so alone lol.
I feel you on that, since I have been drawing for so long based upon how I felt, it has become hard to draw, just to draw or even write for that matter. Because I have sooooo many stories that are unfinished because I just cant think of anything to write about. It gets really frustrating sometimes. So during my recluse phase I decided to stop just drawing through my emotional times and to practice more on semi-realism, or my painting or whatever I decide I nee work on and this game that Im like obsessed over (sort of), helps me get back into just drawing, drawing their characters challenges me on a lot of levels.

Thank you again, for taking the time to read about my life. I really don't share/admit that to just anyone c:
Oh and another thing, watching your speed paints inspire me to work hard and to just draw, so you know. Keep it up hun you got talent c;
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:iconparadiseowl:
ParadiseOwl Jul 20, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
God fucking damnit, how I envy you. 
theorically, we have the same age and i didn't even had the courage to come out to my best friends, although a lot of people in school already know. Like, my best friends are very open minded and all, but I'm just so afraid to tell them. My family is very close-minded in the other hand, once they forbidded me of hanging out with a girl because they found out she was lesbian, they also don't like when I talk with an uncle of mine that's gay.

God, I envy your courage, dude.
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:iconalice2rose:
Alice2Rose Jul 20, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
It's what you make out of life, (sorry if this is crappy)
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:iconkiyouko:
Kiyouko Jul 20, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Wow, I feel really sad that you aren't living your life in the happiest of levels but I do give you great respect that you try your best and not give up on yourself and try to make people happier. I am surprised you haven't got an amazing relationship with anyone yet, because the other guy would be so lucky to have a guy such as yourself around with him. Heck, I wish I knew more people like you, you're a really great person!!
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:iconani-sempai:
that is really deep ;A;
I wish I had thought about things like that while I was in high school. It might have made the whole experience better :c
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:iconcj-iz-lost:
CJ-IZ-LOST Jul 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You are brilliant. I can't believe I've found someone with a perfect freaking mentality. THANK GOD SOMEONE AGREES THAT SHIT COMES YOUR WAY AND YOU THROW IT BACK (maturely) LOL. And a serious plus for the attitude. Like an underdog? I guess?
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:iconbreakinghorizons17:
BreakingHorizons17 Jul 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I really like this drawing, and the message is huge. Like a lot of people on here already said... that takes some serious courage and guts to pour your life out like that. Kudos : ]
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